Why write this?

Why write this you ask? Could it be a cathartic release? Perhaps a need for closure? A final push to get something bad out of your system like so much bad blood gathering over time; year after year. However, this event was not all bad. Point in fact, it was probably the best time of my life. The one and only time I never felt pressure to be something I was not, to act out of character or out of belief. I could be the man I wanted to be and love how I wanted to love; and be loved. No person would judge me. I found my place in life and it was a dream come true . We were like two insecure people who found each other, somehow, someway. But in the end it was never ment to be. Is that a conceit? Yes, after all is said and done it is giving into clichés and urban theories of the common relationship. Men are from Mars crap and so on. If you buy into cliches you are blind to the truths. But this is not about one or the other. This is about telling a story of two people who fell in love, one lied to live happily ever after and the other lost his faith, hope, and the meaning of his life.

Preparing.......

I have been told that time would help heal old wounds. As we grow we are certain to move forward and clear out the bad and replace it with good. Sadly, this is not the case in this story. Time does not purge these wounds. Proof here is that neither does the memory fade. Happier events 20 years ago can be recalled as clearly as they would have taken place 24 hours ago. Even unhappy events share a place amongst the clatter of your present memories. Smell and even touch remind us of that which is good. Or what is bad. A scent of cinnamon and apple, or pine could remind you of joyful Christmas’s long ago. Or you, by putting your hand over a lit candle will teach that such actions equate to pain. Lesson learned; move forward. Life is full of happy memories and bad. Push the bad to the side after you learned from it and try not to repeat it. Some can do it as their lives are usually pretty happy and moving forward is no problem. Negative influences do not exist or are few and far in-between. Success comes easy for them and there are always others around them to change their perspective to the positive... Not all though live in such terms. Problem is when the happy are so entwined with the bad that separating them becomes harder. When you can honestly claim that you had probably one of the best years of your life with someone and you can not separate the good from the evil; what do you do? In a Cathartic attempt you find ways to clear you mind. Provided you have something else to latch onto that was of greater reenforcement to move forward and not backward. Was it my fault??? For a long time I blamed myself saying it was my actions she left, or conceding to ‘it was simply not meant to be’. And after a time you discover there was more going on to wreck it then you could possibly imagine. All those beautiful memories turn to poison when the moment ends. This could not have been so true in this circumstance.